maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
