I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
