My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
