I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
