We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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