We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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