Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
