Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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