nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
