Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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