I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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