my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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