She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
