if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
