Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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