oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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