She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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