Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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