how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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