Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
