I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Welp...herpes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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