and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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