I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
