then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
