I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
