What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just high enough for therapy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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