you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
