oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
