OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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