So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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