We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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