I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
