I heard we made out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
