Where is the hickey?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
