I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
