I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
