i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The best revenge is premature balding
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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