i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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