winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
