we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
