Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
