pop tarts are not kleenex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
