The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
