she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
