You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize