come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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