youre lurking in front of me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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