she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
