if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
