I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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