I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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