:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
