paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
