If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
