you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
