I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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