She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
