drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
