i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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