Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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