Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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