walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
