I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
