Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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