My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
