she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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