my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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