no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
