He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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