I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
