The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
pray to the hookup gods
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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