i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
