I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
