bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
