yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
