i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
